There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
