We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
