he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
