if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
