Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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