Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
