Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
