She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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