You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize