dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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