shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
