I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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