we have officially lost it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
