It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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