I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
