You can't special order awesome
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
