I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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