You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
