Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
