I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
