I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
