12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
handjob tips. give me some.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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