I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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