I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
