called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
