Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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