We need to rekindle our bromance
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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