i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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