I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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