is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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