Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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