Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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