she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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