Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i came on her dog
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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