Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize