Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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