Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
