I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
