do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
babies were throwing up all over the place
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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