We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I checked into jail on foursquare
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
