5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
