C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
