He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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