I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
