So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We are all done wearing pants today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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