I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
