why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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