I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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