If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
