I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
