my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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