dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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