i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
