The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
