Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
