The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
