how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
