I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
