you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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