i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
