Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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