like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
