the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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