Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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